Oh, no...no...NO...NO!!!!!!

I'm still trying to figure out this latest situation...which trumps all the other crazy blog postings that I've started or have in my head to start. It's just...I don't know. I'm at a loss really, and for those who know me, that doesn't happen often.

Makena was on my computer playing a game so I decided to check my iPhone for email. Soccer game cancelled because it's raining yet again (delete), unbelievable sale at Overstock.com (delete), David commented on your posting on Facebook (delete), etc, etc, etc. I get to the email from OkCupid ("hey! someone chose you on Quick Match!"). Now, as I mentioned before, Quick Match is like going through a Rolodex of people and profiles - rate them on a score of 1-5 stars. If someone chooses you 4 or 5 stars, it automatically produces an email telling that person "congratulations! One of these 9 people gave you high marks...if you give high marks to the same guy who chose you, we'll let you know. If not, no biggie. Somewhere in the first few people you rate will be your potential match." (I've highlighted this to let you know this is an important fact...)

So, someone chose me on Quick Match...lemme see the choices. Of course on the iPhone, the pics are all about a 1/2" square, and I'm over 40 so my eyesight stinks. Young guy, goofy looking guy, kinda serial killer looking guy, another young guy, ooh - cute guy (please be him!), kinda cute but too young guy with a photo of a little kid dressed up as a mariachi next to him (what's up with that??), black guy trying to look all hot, tattooed and earring-ed out potential skinhead guy...wait. Is that who I THINK it is?

Yes, the dreaded has happened...maybe. I've come across a photo of a guy I think I know. Not only someone I know, someone I've worked with and who is married. Oh, crap!

So, I forward the email onto a friend of mine who knows this other person and is on OkCupid as well. I then call her.

"Hey, I just sent you an email from OkCupid. You have to tell me if the last picture is Joe (not his real name)."

"Hold on, I gotta pull it up on my computer to see...oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD!!! That's JOE!"

So, she goes to his profile. Yup, it's Joe. Who describes himself as "I am vegetarian, polyamorous and pagan." What??? Well, neither one of us is an idiot, but neither one of us really know what the hell someone who is polyamorous is, so she looks it up with our friends at Wikipedia: is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Alrighty then!

She continues, "his profile says he's looking for activity partners, long distance pen pals and casual sex!" EEEWWWWWHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I tell my friend, "you know, Joe will know you saw his profile, and he'll know it's you because he'll see your photo" to which she says, "I'm deleting it now!" After a few more "Oh, my gods" we hang up, vowing to never speak about it again.

Makena's dad picks her up and I start to then think about that whole Quick Match thing. They tell you that the person who picked you will be in the first few profiles - so you basically KNOW who picked you as a 4 or 5 star. I'm creeped out by the fact the Polyamorous Pagan Joe was actually the one who picked me. But, it's like a car wreck...I can't help by look. So, I log on and go to Quick Match.

Sure enough, within the first 5 profiles, guess whose picture pops up? PPJ. Jeez. I call my friend back. So much for never speaking of this again.

"Guess whose picture pops up?"

"Well, apparently he has a thing for blondes...his wife is blonde. (Pause for effect) He must have had a crush on you the whole time you worked together!"

Oh! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little!

"Hey, I found this out when I was closing down my profile. Go to 'Stats' and you can see who viewed you." Sure enough, at 10:00 something this morning, PPJ viewed my profile. "So, that means he knows you're on there, and it also means that he knows that you know he's on there!" (whose on first??)

I tell her that it's a good thing that I don't work with him anymore because I could not look him in the face now that I know all this. She tells me her new nickname for him is Pollyanna...if anyone talks about how great a guy he is, etc, etc, she'll just say, "yeah, he's a real Pollyanna."

We will not talk about this again.