Kent/Kurt & Date 2...

Kent/Kurt "expressed an interest" in me sometime in mid to late September. I was really, really busy then with work and was preoccupied with FF, but what the heck. Practice, right? So I responded back in the affirmative, even though he lived somewhere in Oklahoma. Kent/Kurt's stats: 37, 5'10" (if I wear my big girl shoes, he'll look like Tom Cruise and I'll look like Nicole Kidman), blond hair and hazel eyes, CPA & Financial Advisor from Woodward, OK (wherever the heck that is, I think, although from his photo on his profile I think it must be somewhere close to OU since he's wearing an OU t-shirt and pushing a stroller).

Ok, I must stop here. Let's talk profile photos, shall we? Obviously I'm no Internet dating wiz (as you can obviously tell), but I have a pretty good grasp of marketing...and really that's what Internet dating is - it's direct marketing. And if you're selling something - in this case yourself - it would behoove you to pick photos that show you in your best light...show your best features. So, FF's pasty law photo and K/K's pic of him wearing a tshirt and pushing a baby stroller aren't exactly the best choices, would you not say. Hence why I used the artfully cropped pic sans Sleeping Beauty tiara...


Anyway, his profile wasn't bad...seems like a nice guy but doesn't really list his likes/dislikes. Oh, and he doesn't drink and is a Southern Baptist. Now, my MaMaw was a Southern Baptist and didn't drink, but I wouldn't want to marry her. Plus, the book, movie or concert he enjoyed was Keith Urban. Hmmm...teetotaling-country-music-loving-non-reading-Okie. Not sure about that. I talked with a friend of mine and told her that K/K was interested in going out, but that "he's not my type." "What's your type?" she quipped. Hmmm...pause, good question. "I dunno." To which she responded, "Emotionally immature alcoholics?" Good point. Let's go against type this time!

We start emailing while I was in Atlanta for the conference. He came to Dallas that weekend for the TX/OU game, had been busy as well with tax extensions. I'm sorry, I just have to say I haven't met many accountant types that were fun and interesting, so at this point I'm not very hopeful.

Subsequent emails I asked him to tell me a little bit about him. His response: "I don't know what all to tell you about my life, so I'll try and you can ask me anything that you would like." Is there a button for an eyeroll on my laptop?

We don't really have a lot of conversations until right around the time FF came down with the Great Strep Pandemic of 2008 when K/K says he's coming down for a conference at the Gaylord from the 5th-9th...did I want to meet on Wednesday or Thursday night?

Alright, fine, he'll be here anyway, why not. Since he was coming from out of town, I got to pick the restaurant (again)...only requirement from him was no sushi. So, I picked Tex-Mex and an easy to get at place for him - Esparza's in Grapevine.

After my lunch date with FF I went into the office of the association I had been assisting. Man, did I get the once over there! "Your hair looks so beautiful...why don't you wear it down more often!" "Your eyes just pop with makeup on...you should really wear it more!" "You look so nice with your high heels on!" Man, I must look like a slob most of the time! No wonder I have to find a date on the Internet.

I go to Makena's soccer practice and then drop her off at the "play place" (ie group babysitting place...pay $7.50/hr, they get dinner, snacks, all kinds of fun play stuff. I was thinking I'd have more fun with her than on the date...) and get to Grapevine and Esparza's early.

I wait on the front porch of the restaurant, and instantly recognize Kent/Kurt as he walks up and it appears that he recognizes me (not a hard bet...I'm the only one waiting there, but a plus considering FF not recognizing me at lunch). I stand, we greet one another and shake hands, and then comes "The Tic".

I say it's a "tic", it's really not I guess. After we speak and we're standing in front of one another, silent, K/K starts nodding his head up and down and nervous giggling. And doesn't stop until there is more conversation.

Okay, I think, let's get inside as quickly as possible and sit down so this guy can hopefully get comfortable. We go in, the hostess seats us...thankfully K/K is a gentleman and allows me to go in front of him because if I would have seen the head bobbing while following him I may have called for all forces to retreat and throw in the white flag on this date.

The waiter takes our drink order (while I really wanted a margarita, I ordered water), chips and hot sauce appear and we're left alone. Then, the nodding and giggling begins again. Oh, good night nurse! Please don't tell me he's going to do this all night! If so, I may just have to stick this steak knife in my head.

So, I start asking him questions...if he talks, he can't giggle and doesn't nod his head...keep him talking! "Tell me more about yourself...tell me about your son...how's the conference?" Pretty soon, I start to feel like I'm interviewing K/K for a job..."where do you envision yourself five years from now?" So, I quiet down. Nodding/giggling. Sigh.

When I ask him what he does when he's not busy with his business he tells me, "well, I'm never not really busy..." Great, so you nod your head and have no interests outside of work.

What I found amazing was how incredibly successful this guy is...he owns his own accounting firm and has for the past 10 years...1400 clients, 8 full time employees. Dang! And he's 37? PLUS, I find out he's been approached by one of his former clients, an oil and gas conglomorate, to be their CFO over this group of 5 or 6 companies. IF he can sell his firm. Holy crap! Other than having to live in a podunk town (it's in NW OK...they just got a stoplight about 10 years ago), maybe I could envision a fut...(nod/giggle)...no, no future here. Self inflicted steak knife in skull would be inevitable if I did.

So, at this point, keep him talking as much as possible and graciously leave as soon as I can. An hour and a half later, dinner is long done, we're both now nodding at one another (I feel like a bobble head doll), and I tell him I have to pick up Makena and get her to bed. We walk to the street...I'm parked down the street, he's parked up the street, and I tell him good night and retreat to the nod free zone of my car. I send him an email that night thanking him for dinner and good luck on his potential job...he sends me one back saying it was nice getting to know me better and good luck on building my business. A week later he closes out the match citing "Physical distance is too far." Yup, and it always would be, K/K.

Date 1...

Farmer Frank had offered to drive to my side of the world for our lunch date. Ok, he's putting the onus on me to pick a place. I live in the 'burbs...we don't have a whole lot of fun and quirky restaurants like Dallas proper does. But, after much consternation, I pick a nice, middle of the road Italian place, i Fratelli. Italian=safe choice. Safe is good for a first date, right? Geez! Guys really do have it hard...I hope I don't have to pick out a place every time.

On the appointed day, I woke up late. Insomnia struck again the night before. That's not a good start. I get Makena fed and dressed and throw on my work-at-home uniform - sweats, long sleeved t shirt, croc flip flops (that's the fall/winter uniform...substituted shorts & short sleeved t in spring/summer) - and take the kid to school.

Once back home, I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get the aforementioned frizz prone hair to be smooth and sleek, with surprisingly good results. I put on makeup (not a part of that standard issue work-at-home uniform), and pick out a nice outfit that says "I wanted to look nice for you but I've not spent the entire morning getting ready (even though I pretty much have)": dark grey pants, black sweater, black "big girl shoes" (aka high heels) and a black leather jacket. Only thing missing on this Johnny Cash outfit is a black cowboy had and bolo tie. Don't over think it!

I drive the 10 minutes to i Fratelli and get there with a little over five minutes to spare. I'm nervous...less about meeting FF perhaps than just the fact that with this lunch I'm wading back into the dating pool...something I never really thought I'd have to do again. I never liked "dating" in the first place...I've always been a relationship kinda girl...literally I think I've gone on one "date" in my life. The rest were meeting guys and suddenly being in a relationship. Signing up for Match or Chemistry or eHarmony and trading questions and emails with these men was like playing house with Makena's Disney Princess Castle...it's not real...but meeting a live flesh and blood guy is real...no computer monitor to hide behind. No Backspace or Delete if I don't like what I say.

I get inside and no FF. I am early, though...don't want to show up late to a first date. I check with the hostess - maybe he's already sitting down? Apparently not. She asks if I would like to wait at a table? Nope, I'll wait by the door.

I sit on a chair in the lobby area next to another woman thumbing away on her BlackBerry. I pull out some paperwork so I can make some calls for the rooms audit I'm doing in Ft Worth on Friday. I planned that...keep busy so I can't think about the date and get nervous. Each time the door opens I look up. Red haired lady...no, that's not him. Short bald guy...no, not him (I hope, or he's really lied about his height and his hair). Hmmm...really cute, nicely built, tall guy, looking around. But he doesn't look like FF. Is that him? Mr. Cute looks around and finds his lunch mate...the short bald guy who came in earlier, dangnabit. The door opens while I'm leaving a message for one of the hotels I'll be auditing and in walks Farmer Frank. I recognize him immediately. I have no idea if the message I leave for the sales manager will make any sense to her, but I try to get off the phone as quickly as possible while cramming the paperwork in my purse. FF looks around while I'm finishing up the call...scanning the lobby for me. Sees Ms. BlackBerry next to me and then looks at me...I try and muster a smile while leaving the message, but his scanning continues. Hmmm...that's not good...doesn't seem to recognize me.

I size him up. He is...ok. Just ok. Blue Polo, khaki pants, brown shoes that look like they're a size too small...aren't his feet uncomfortable in those? His eHarmony profile had two pictures - one was of him from the waist up, apparently in a tropical destination as he was smiling, had color in his cheeks and the wind was blowing and there was a beautiful sunrise in the background. The other, not so good...obviously some sort of lawyerly picture of him standing in front of a bookcase of leatherbound books. No smile, pallid complexion, goofy look. Unfortunately, the Farmer Frank before me looked more like his lawyer pic than his tropical pic. And I think he needed the Pantene Anti Frizz shampoo more than me. But, looks are not everything...if you have good chemistry with someone it more than makes up for it.

FF goes to the hostess and apparently asks about me, then finding I'm not sitting waiting for him is getting ready to be sat. I get up and head to the hostess who asks me if I'm ready to be sat. I tell her that I think he is my lunch date. I then say, "Frank?" He turns around, looks somewhat startled, and we shake hands quickly while the waiter stands there, ready to take us to the table.

He leans into me as we walk to the table and says, "I didn't recognize you without your tiara." "The tiara" is a Sleeping Beauty tiara of Makena's that I was wearing in one of the photos I posted on my profiles. Actually, not really. The one I posted was an artfully cropped version done by David (college bf), but I had forwarded the full pic to FF in our email conversations and it became a joke we bantered about. Ha-ha-ha...wearing a tiara, high maintenance, yada, yada, yada.

So, we sit...I sit on the booth side, he sits across from me. The waiter tells us the specials, takes our drink order and disappears. We look at one another and smile. Silence. Crap. I've actually got to have a conversation?! Frank then leans far to his right. My smile is replaced with what I imagine is a quizzical look. What the heck is he doing? Is my forehead that shiny he has to move to keep the glare out of his eyes?

"I saw you looking around and wondered what you were looking at." Oh, this isn't starting well.

"Uh, no, I was just looking at you."

We exchange pleasantries and by that time the waiter was back with the tea and wanted to know if we were ready to order. This waiter is looking to turn this table quickly. I tell him I need a few more minutes, smile and tell him thank you. One of Frank's "must haves" is someone who is very kind...I figure being very nice to the waiter would be a good example of that, but Frank pretty much ignores him. As a former waitress, it irritates me a bit.

We talk about his kids, Makena, he says that he thinks I'm probably impatient...what? where'd you get that?...he brings up the Volkswagen commercial with Brooke Shields and makes some joke about her unibrow to which I made the comparison of Freda Kahlo. Who? You know, Freda Kahlo, the Mexican artist who did self portraits? Nope, no idea.

I wont bore you too much with the rest of the sometimes enjoyable and sometimes painfully awkward conversation...but I do want to highlight one headscratching part...In one of our early emails, Frank said he would tell me about his worst date ever which included "a gunfight in New Orleans". It was another reason to go on this date...I had to hear this story. So, during an early lull, I say, "Ok, I've waited 6 weeks for this...you gotta tell me about your worst date ever...the one in New Orleans."

At first, he was reticent about telling me...mumbled something about being PC...then he delved into the details. He went to New Orleans one weekend in the late '80's when he was still a cop with a girl he was dating "who was of questionable background but very fun." They drove down there in her Camaro with t-tops, stayed at the Hyatt and headed down to the French Quarter to Pat O'Brien's where they proceeded to drink it up for hours. About 3 am they started walking back to the Hyatt, the girlfriend's purse full of Hurricane glasses and both drunkedy-drunk-drunk. They were near the 5th Circut US Court of Appeals when they were confronted by two young black kids. One raised a 22 to Farmer Frank's head and his hand was shaking, telling him to give them the purse and wallet or he'd kill them. They handed them over to the other kid. Apparently FF was a cool cucumber, which caused the kid to shake more. Finally, they turned and began to run.

When the kid was halfway across the street, he turned and started shooting at Frank. Frank, by this time, pulled out his police gun and shot back a couple of times...one hitting the courthouse and one hitting the kid. The kids ran down the street while Frank commandeered a taxi at gunpoint ("I was so drunk I was hardly able to stand up much less chase these kids") and chased after them, but they got away. He returned back to his girlfriend who was hysterical at this point, and then spent the next few hours with NOPD.

So, he's telling me "you know how corrupt the NOPD is...they were great about it...gave me money for the next couple of days, we all went out drinking that next night after my girlfriend left." And, when a middle school kid was found dead in his bed with two bullets lodged in him, lying on his gun, the NOPD had no idea how it happened and he was free to go back to Ft Worth. "And if I had known what I had know now, I would have put a couple more bullets into the Court building!"

Oh, this story was so wrong in so many ways...

He tells me about an hour into the lunch, "I noticed you were looking at your watch, so..." to which I lift my wrist and show him I am not wearing a watch. "Oh, I thought you were looking at your watch...what were you looking at?" Well, actually, I was looking at his watch. Are dates supposed to be this weird? Is it supposed to be this...uncomfortable?

On cue, the waiter brings by the bill, FF pays for it, and we get up and walk into the sunshine. He notices we both are wearing Bolle sunglasses (well, we have something in common), we talk a few more minutes and he walks to his car saying "I'll talk to you later."

I get in my car and breathe a sigh of relief. First date over...unfortunately didn't meet my expectations, but wasn't terrible, was it?

I get to the office and decide I would send him an email thanking him again for lunch and also sending him a picture of Freda. He responds back a day later...makes a joke about her moustache (she was one hairy woman). Then, another day later I see he's closed our match. Reason? "Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony." Hmmm...interesting. At this point I can close it or I can add a final comment (again, check one from a list of 5) and then close it, which I do: "Good luck on your search."

Farmer Frank from eHarmony...

Ah, I had such hopes for Farmer Frank.

I received his profile at the end of August...just a couple of days after I signed up for eHarmony. His profile caught my eye immediately...47, 6'4" (so I could wear my big girl shoes with him!), attorney in Dallas who had two out of three same "best life skills" as me (raising and/or caring for children; remaining calm yet resilient in a crisis) and showed he had a sense of humor in his answers ("Reading ? What is that ? Some kind of intellectual activity ? I seldom read for fun after reading all day long..... The last book I read was One Fish..Two Fish"). When he contacted me a day or so later, I was excited!

The way eHarmony works is you can either send an icebreaker ("hey! your profile caught my attention! Wanna have sex?"...okay, joking, but you get the idea) or you can send a set of 5 questions from a batch of about 30; i.e. "how much space do you need in a relationship" or "what is your idea of adventure?", etc. The respondent can either answer a, b, c, d or e come up with a written answer of their own.

Farmer Frank and I seemed to click well from the beginning...similar sense of humor, similar beliefs, etc. He was intelligent, articulate, funny and interesting. I was getting hooked.

Once we completed the next steps of sharing our "must haves" and "can't stands" (my must haves included "Emotionally Healthy......I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else" and "Strong Character......I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing"; for those that know me well you know why I picked those) and answering second questions (this time you can write your own) we were cut free to email one another back and forth through the eHarmony secure server.

And it only seemed to get better. We seemed to get along so well via email...and the more I found out about him (he was a national merit scholar, got a scholarship to University of Dallas, lost it due to partying too much his first year, ended up working his way through undergrad, graduate (Masters in psychology from UNT) and law school (Texas Tech) by being a cop; grew up on a farm in upstate New York (hence the nickname Farmer Frank), had three boys he was VERY involved in raising), the more I liked him.

Unfortunately, I met him just as my contract job started getting really busy...and I told him that I really would not be able to offer him more than that until I got back from the conference in Atlanta and my company's meeting in Nashville at the end of October. I dreaded telling him this, but his response was so...perfect it only made me like him more.

So, for the next 6 weeks we emailed and eventually talked on the phone.

I do need to offer up this nugget of information that gave me pause. That's a bit of an understatement, mind you. Mid September, long after he told me about his 3 boys (11, 8 and 2) I started thinking about that 2 year old. Having a 2 years old is REALLY young to be divorced...even though I was divorced by the time Makena was 18 months. But, it nagged me. So, I decided to check the Internet and find out if he was really divorced (I had accidentally found you can look up divorces on Dallas county website). I was able to do this as by this time we were emailing from our personal email addresses (mine was still a made up one without my last name, but his was his law office email and it had his full name on it). So, I looked it up. I found a divorce...but it was in 1985. I'll tell you that his name is not terribly common, so I knew it had to be him. Okay, so he's been married 2 times and I don't know if he's divorced the 2nd time or not. His profile doesn't really say, so he could be in process, right?

So, I asked him via email. His response (and he was a little short about it) was that he was divorced. Okay, well maybe Tarrant county doesn't post divorces?

So, that was swirling in my head when I went to my brother Brian's house one Sunday and he ended up looking up Farmer Frank in PublicData.com. For those of you not familiar with that, what a crazy service that is. If you know someones first, middle and last name, you can basically find out all kinds of stuff about them. And let me tell ya, did I get an eye full about Farmer Frank. There was the first marriage that I found (married 5 years)...then there was a second (2 years)...then a third (4 years)...a finally the marriage license for the 4th and most recent (married in '94)...but no divorce shown. My heart sank. Married 4 times??? No sign of a 4th divorce?? Yikes! Who is this guy I'm talking to? Beyond that, his drivers license shows him still living at the familial house in Mansfield. Holy crap. Not only is he not divorced, but he's still living with his wife!

Brian said, "well, seems like he's a serial monogamist...if he's monogamous." Egads.

So, I thought about it. What do I do? "Hey, Frank, while doing a background check on you I discovered you've been married for 4 times and I'm not exactly sure if you're still married or not...care to clarify for me?" No, that's not really a way to approach it. (note: rationalization coming) Geez...we all have skeletons in our closets, right? How do you get to 40 something years old without having a couple of things in your past that you'd rather not have everyone knowing about? Just in his case they were public data.

So, armed with my rationalizaiton, I decided to make Brian the scapegoat. I emailed FF that Brian, who was an ultraprotective older brother, asked me what I knew about him...where did he live, etc?

Since this question was just a day after the divorce question, I'm sure he was having flashbacks to his police officer days...except he was the one being questioned this time. So, he was probably a little more pissy this time. But he told me exactly where he lived including his apartment number. I realized at that point the only thing I could do was take him at his word, but remain cautious given the other info I had tucked away.

The weeks wound down. We decided on a date for our date: Saturday, October 25th for dinner. We continued to email...although I will say it was a little more sporadic on his side. Hmmm...I assumed he had began dating someone. Which was fine, as long as I got to finally meet him. After 6 weeks of playful banter and with the other info I knew, I had to get a look at this guy.

Finally, I was done with the conference in Atlanta and the meeting in Nashville. The week of the date was upon us. Monday...he was busy in a mediation and not terribly communicative about what was the scoop with our date (I gotta figure out what to do with Makena...this takes advance planning on the scope of D-Day). Tuesday...nothing. Okay, what the hell is going on? Are you freakin' kidding me? David (college boyfriend mentioned in previous blog) couldn't believe there was no plan in place...for me, it had been so long since I actually went on a date I wasn't sure what the protocol was supposed to be. Wednesday...at least we have a time (7pm), but not much else. Sigh. I'm getting slightly peeved and about ready to write this guy off without a second thought. Friday...finally, we got a date and a time. The Grape @ 7...we'll meet there.

Saturday was as usual busy...biking to breakfast, biking to soccer game, clean out my Cheez-it and other-assorted-kid-snacked-out car. By chance, I checked my email at 3...and I found an email titled "I have strep throat". You've got to be kidding me? An email sent 7 hours before a date? Why didn't he call me (he had my cell)? Whatever. I sent him a short "get well!" email and went and had a great time at my church's Oktoberfest (which I had forgotten was that night and I had been bummed about missing!). Pam (friend from early service) and Scott (her fiance she was marrying following Saturday) both called BS on the strep, which is what I pretty much thought myself.

I sent him a "get well" note...more to see if I would actually hear from him. I sent it Tuesday, and figured he'd get it Thursday. Lo and behold, Thursday he sends me an email that he is "just back to the office today" and that the strep went to his skin (uh, ewwwww!!!!!) and can we try again. I replied I had gotten the gift that keeps on giving from Makena once and felt lousy for a few days as well. Didn't respond on the date mulligan.

The next day was Halloween, and that day and the next he was very communicative. Okay, maybe we can reschedule.

I do need to say that just because I was chatting with Farmer Frank did not stop me from chatting with others as well...namely Kent/Kurt from Chemistry. Kent/Kurt was going to be in town for a meeting at the Gaylord...did I want to meet either Wednesday or Thursday? Since Wednesday is church dinner night, Thursday it was. 7:30 at Esparzas in Grapevine.

So, when Farmer Frank wanted to meet for lunch, the only day I had available was Thursday, the same day as my dinner with Kent/Kurt. Holy crap, not only would I have my first date in 16 years on Thursday, I'd have my second, too...

I'm back in the saddle again...

As has always been the case, ideas come to me while I take a shower. Today was no different. As I was sudsing my hair with Pantene Anti Frizz shampoo (note: doesn't really seem to work), I was thinking of my first date in 16 years that I had last Thursday at lunch...and my second date Thursday at dinner (never let it be said that I'm not willing to jump in with both feet), and I realized I really need to track this process of what my friend Vici calls "getting back out there." Makes me think of football...which I guess makes sense. Contact sport...you can get blindsided, blitzed, and if you don't know what you're doing, a concussion.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's start with the basics: I'm 43, divorced for 3 1/2 years after 13 years (8 married, 5 living in sin). The reasons for said divorce and why it took me 4 1/2 years to wade back into the dating pool aren't important here (that's a whole 'nother blog), but suffice it to say I just wasn't ready. I have a now 5 year old daughter, Makena, and while I adore her, I miss talking about things other than Spongebob or which Princess I like the best and making dinner other than macaroni & cheese. This past summer, my college boyfriend who is still a very close friend and fan of mine, told me that I needed to start dating...that I was still too young to hang it up. I told him I while I was content with my life, I wasn't opposed to dating but had never been asked. He was doing the same thing as Vici has been doing for at least a year or more...trying to push me out of my comfortable 3 bedroom/2 1/2 bath nest and make me fly. Alright already!

Ok, so fine. This isn't like college anymore...you don't meet tons of eligible men in my everyone-is-married-but-me suburb. Church? My church only had one single guy, Benny, who died a couple of years ago when he was in his 80's. My brother, Brian, tried to get me to go to a church in Dallas with a big singles group. Hmmm...for some reason, it just seems a little wrong to use church as a dating pool. Vici is a big proponent of finding men in bars. Didn't like it the first time, not wanting to do it now. That left one thing: Internet dating.

I'll admit that I partially filled out a profile on Match.com, half heartedly, a year after my divorce. I wasn't even done and started getting really creepy "winks" and emails from 50 something men who looked more like 60 something. Turned me off and I never completed my profile.

But, time had passed, prospects were slim, and I really didn't know where else to start, so I finished my profile on Match. The first two guys who winked at me were not my type, but the next two, who weren't even from Texas, were cute! Craig owned a construction company in the Austin area and had one kid and went back and forth between Austin and Tenessee. The other, Enigmatic Andy, who was sooooooo cute and was a widower (YAY! no crazy ex-wife! wait, is that bad of me??) in Florida, was a manly man and had two kids. Which to choose, which to choose...why not have a buffet of both? So, I winked back. And waited. And waited. Nothing. Ever. Sigh.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

It seemed to me, from the guys who were winking and emailing me, that Match was not the way to go...it was like Cafe Dallas from the '80's...a big meat market. Other than how they look, you really know nothing about these people. Plus, you wouldn't believe some of the emails I've received...

"Hope you had a sound sleep last night sweetness.......Danny here, i just saw and read through your profile with very great interest and so thought i should drop you some lines cos i would love to get to know you better if that's not too much of me to ask. I am an independent and self employed arts and beads dealer and a father of two wonderful boys.I am feeling very much like a prince charming coming to take his princess away to his castle, as your profile gives me a clear insight to what it would be like having someone like you as my partner in life, and so i would love us to communicate further by writing emails, talking on the phone and get to know each other better sometime soon, hopefully before we get to realize it our hearts will melt into each other and so will our minds. Looking forward to your reply at your earliest convenience ......"

"HelloI saw your profile and i felt i should send you am email to tell you that am really interested with the person on that lovly pics.So i think i have finally found my life partner,if really you do belive in love at frist sight.You are like God's dove, so beautiful, so pretty, with good hobbies and everything about you match with my style this is why i wanna give it a test and see how it goes and that's what I love, . Thank you, God, for this special woman, you gave me - I can't thank him enough for the love and beauty that I found.i think i will be much interested in getting to know you better and i believe you will be more interested in knowing my kind of person too.in other to allow communication and getting to know each other easy,i will like to exchange my yahoo chatting id with you.you can chat with me on (address deleted). so i will be much interested in yours too. do replyand send me yours as soon as possible.i believe it will be very nice we meet.waiting to see your reply."

"I am a HUGE ROXY fan and Eno fan!! Love John Coltrane!!Would love to hear from you!" To which he writes the entire lyrics of "Editions of You"

I know this sounds hugely sophomoric, but BARF! Are you kidding me? Are these guys SERIOUS????

I didn't feel comfortable with what was coming at me, so I tried Chemistry next. Chemistry is the more expensive version of Match (hence you weed out a lot of the weirdos)...they ask you a bunch of questions regarding your likes/dislikes/beliefs designed to find out your personality profile and forward you 5 matches per day that mesh well with your personality.

While I was at it, I also signed up for eHarmony. It was a marathon of answering questions on that site...if someone actually finished this they're serious about finding a mate. Plus, in case you have no idea who you are and are really clueless, you get a nice personality profile about yourself and how you relate to others. Unlike Chemistry, you and your potential "match" get each other's profiles at the same time...like blind dating except instead of a crazy friend you have the Internet setting you up.

So, that brings me to my dates...one from eHarmony (lunch with Farmer Frank) and one from Chemistry (dinner with Kent who I keep wanting to call Kurt)...